Good-bye, with Love Read online

  “Crap. This is the one thing I hate about the fall: it’s already starting to get dark! And now I’ve slept the entire day away.”

  “That’s fine. You don’t have anywhere to be, do you?”

  “No. Not really.”

  As I looked at my dad’s face, I saw a red ring around his eyes and noticed they were puffy and swollen. I’d only seen him cry one other time, when his sister passed away. It hurt a lot to see him like this. I knew deep down he thought he’d lose me too, even though he never said it.

  “It’s normal to be exhausted, Champ. Your body is going through a serious battle right now,” he said, kneeling down in front of my bed and gently kissing my forehead. He ran his hand through his short hair and gave me a forced smile, causing the deep wrinkles in his forehead to soften. I could see the tears building in his blue eyes and reached for his hand.

  I flashed a weak smile and tried to sit up, but the nausea struck me again. “Take it easy Champ,” he said, carefully handing me the trash can.

  Dad had called me “Champ” for as long as I could remember. When I was four he would dress me up like his favorite baseball player, Wade Boggs. I had the number twenty-four on the back of almost everything I owned. I had a mean knuckleball and a deadly fastball, and would destroy any kid that tried to challenge me. I wanted to join the softball team the next year in high school, but I guessed that would depend on how sick or healthy I was at that point.

  “Excuse me, Dad. I have to go to the bathroom.”

  “Okay, well I’ll at least escort you to the door.”

  After a short walk across the hall with my dad’s help, I closed the door behind me. I was greeted by the mirror above the sink and hated what I saw staring back at me. My skin was so pale and there were dark circles underneath my green eyes. The freckles across my cheeks looked darker than normal because I hadn’t slept well all week. I was so worried about the reaction my body would have to the chemo.

  I turned the cold water on and grabbed my case of face scrubbing wipes, pulling one out of the top. I ran it under the water before I assaulted my face with it, scrubbing and scrubbing until my skin was tingling. I grabbed my towel and dried my face off. As I went to hang it back on the rack, I lost my balance. I let my body fall against the wall and pushed myself back up to a standing position. I hope this doesn’t keep happening. I feel like I’m losing control of my body.

  “Champ, are you all right in there?” Crap, he’s still outside the door waiting for me?

  “Yeah Dad. I’ll be out in a minute.” I looked in the mirror once more and still hated what I saw. I grabbed my brush and ran it through my hair, feeling a few hairs come out. No . . . no . . . no! Not now! I ran the brush through my hair a few more times and the panic stopped after the rest of my hair remained on my head. I tossed my hair up into a messy bun and opened the door. Dad held out his elbow for me to grab and escorted me back to my bed. Mom had left a tray of food on my nightstand and it smelled good. It was her special potato soup recipe that I’d always loved. It always made me feel better. Most people like chicken noodle soup when they’re feeling sick, but not me. Potato is the only way to go.

  “I’ll leave you be, Champ. Your mom left your medicine in that small cup. Make sure you eat as much as you can before you take it.” He placed another kiss on my forehead before he left my room.

  I grabbed the small bowl and inhaled deeply. I scooped up a big spoonful and brought it to my mouth. After the first couple bites I thought I’d be okay, but then my stomach started bubbling. I drank the ginger ale she’d left and it settled it for a bit.

  I was able to finish everything before I felt sick again. I took my medicine and lay back on my bed. No matter how sick I feel in the morning, I’m going to school.

  My alarm was set to go off at five thirty in the morning, but I was so eager to go to school, I woke up ten minutes early.

  No nausea. No dizziness. No aches or pains. I was feeling pretty good as I searched my walk-in closet for an outfit for the chilly fall day.

  I grabbed a brown crocheted hat, a tan long-sleeved shirt, dark jeans, and my brown riding boots. I’d asked Mom to French braid the front of my hair so the hat could sit behind the braid.

  Dad wanted to drive me to school, which was unlike him. I thought he felt guilty for not being at my first chemo appointment, even though I had told him not to come. The ride to school was quick and painless. Dad didn’t say much besides “Have a great day, Champ” and “Call home if you feel sick at all today.” I was hoping that wouldn’t happen at all.

  I waved to my dad’s Jeep as I reached the top of the stone steps that lead to my school’s front entrance. My friend Sarah was eagerly waiting for me as I walked through the green double doors. Her red hair was straightened and she wore a tight pink shirt with blue jeans and flats. She’d hit puberty a little earlier than me and was already wearing real bras. “You look nice,” she said, giving me the onceover.

  “You don’t look too bad yourself. I’m shocked you actually straightened your hair!”

  “I know, right? I wanted Jared Thompson to notice me.”

  “Oh he will.” I giggled.

  Sarah and I slowly walked down the hallway before the bell for homeroom rang. We quickly ran down to room one fifteen and took our seats directly in front of the teacher.

  After Mrs. Jackson took attendance, Sarah and I continued our little chat. We both leaned in close so our classmates wouldn’t hear what we were saying.

  “How are you feeling, Mick? I missed you this week.”

  “I’m okay. I felt like crap up until today, but enough about me. So why do you want Jared so bad anyway, Sarah?”

  “I don’t know. I just like him. Last year he was in all of my classes and I think he’s the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “Have you ever talked to him?”

  “Once. I asked him for a pencil.”

  I burst out laughing. “Wow, way to really go for it, Sarah!”

  She pinched my arm and it made me laugh harder because her face was beet red. “Shut up, Mickey! If you had a crush I bet you wouldn’t say much to him either.”

  “Gee thanks for the faith.”

  “I’m serious. Do you even like anyone? I don’t think I’ve heard you say a boy was cute before.”

  “Not really. All the boys here are gross. Besides I’m sure the feels you have for Jared won’t last long.”

  “Whatever, you’re just jelly!”

  “Am not!”

  “I bet before we graduate you’ll find someone, and when you do, you’re going to fall hard.”

  “Don’t hold your breath!” I said, rolling my eyes.

  After homeroom Sarah and I went our separate ways. We wouldn’t see each other again until lunch period. I sat down near the back of Mrs. Small’s class. Science was my least favorite subject. “Good to see you back in class, Michelle. Glad to see you’re well.”

  “Thank you.”

  As she called around the room taking attendance, everyone was present except for one empty desk in front of me.

  Before she closed the book, a kid with a leather jacket flew through the door. “Sorry I’m late. I had a hard time finding the classroom.”

  “What’s your name, sir?” the teacher questioned.

  “Johnny Gates, ma’am,” he said, quickly flipping his head back to get the dark hair out of his eyes.

  “Ah, Mr. Gates, it’s so nice to finally meet you. I’m Mrs. Small. You may take that empty seat directly in front of Ms. Dawson back there.”

  He slung his backpack over his shoulder and walked down the aisle toward me. I couldn’t help but stare at him as he walked. It was like time stood still and he was walking only for me. He flipped his hair out of his ocean blue eyes again and I heard a few female classmates oohing and aahing next to me, temporarily breaking my focus. He flashed a wide smile at me; his beautiful white teeth were perfect.

  He smelled like the outdoors after a fresh rainstorm and I f
ound myself leaning in, trying to breathe in more of his scent. What the heck is wrong with me?

  The teacher asked us to take out our textbooks, but before she could get started on the day’s lesson, the new kid’s hand flew up. “Yes, Mr. Gates?”

  “I don’t have any textbooks yet.”

  “Not a problem, you can share with Mr. Jeffries.” It felt like I took a punch to the gut hearing Brad’s name instead of mine. Why am I even upset? I hardly even know him.

  “If it’s okay with you ma’am, I’d like to share with the young lady behind me instead. No offense bro, I have a thing about sharing books with dudes,” he said, patting Brad on the back of his shoulder.

  The teacher agreed and I could feel my cheeks light up from the excitement. Maybe this school year won’t be so bad after all.

  Johnny pulled his seat up next to mine and we both followed along and took notes. Occasionally we’d both look at each other and smile, but neither of us said a word. I didn’t know much about him, but I felt like we were silently bonding.

  The bell rang and Mrs. Small gave us a worksheet to do for homework. Johnny returned his chair back to his desk and shoved all his things back in his bag. I wanted to say something to him, but I felt like my tongue was covered in cement.

  He smiled at me and said thanks. “Hey, wait,” I spat out before he walked away.

  “Yeah?”

  “How are you going to do your homework without a textbook?”

  “I hadn’t thought of that. I was going to use my crappy notes and try to figure the rest out.”

  “If you want, I could stay after school and we could share mine again.”

  “Sure. Meet me back here after last period.”

  “Okay, I’ll ask if one of the other science assistants can meet us here. Mr. Grimes has been known to do that.”

  “Cool,” he said, before finally walking out of the room. I neatly placed my things back into my bag and headed down the hall to my next class.

  “Mickey! Wait up!” I heard Sarah yell from behind me. “Hey,” she said as she finally caught up to me.

  “What’s up?”

  “Guess what?”

  “What?”

  “I got Jared’s number!” She squealed like a banshee.

  “How’d you do that?”

  “I just asked for it. I went up to him and introduced myself and he gave it to me.”

  “Nice!”

  “Hmm . . . What’s with the one-word answers? Did something happen? Your cheeks are beet red.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’ve never seen you like this before. Are you all right?”

  “Yes!” I said, trying to hide the excitement about meeting up with Johnny later. I didn’t want to get too excited over an after school meeting. I’d just met the guy after all.

  “Okay . . . well . . . see you at lunch.”

  Keep it together, Mickey. It’s one meeting. You probably won’t even hang out with him again after today.

  After art class I grabbed my stuff and rushed as fast as I could back to Mrs. Small’s classroom. I’d never been this nervous to do homework with someone in my life. I’d asked Mr. Grimes at lunch if he could meet us there and he had agreed to stay for an hour. I leaned against the wall and impatiently waited for Johnny to show up.

  The hallway started clearing out fast and my nervousness turned into sadness. I didn’t know why I was so excited; I barely knew the guy. Maybe he forgot about our meeting?

  I looked down at my One Direction watch and it was almost three o’clock. Five more minutes, Mickey. Just five more minutes.

  The door opened beside me and Mrs. Small exited the room. “Is everything okay Michelle? We didn’t have a meeting scheduled did we?” she asked, pushing her huge glasses back up her nose.

  “No, um, I’m waiting for someone.”

  “Okay. Have a good afternoon.”

  “Wait, is Mr. Grimes in there?”

  “Yes he is.”

  “Thank you!”

  I looked down at my watch again and fifteen minutes had gone by. Guess he’s not coming.

  I slipped the strap of my backpack over my shoulder and headed down the hall to put my books back into my locker. As I turned the combination lock, I heard a voice yelling down the hall behind me. “Hey Knits, wait! I’m here, I’m here! Don’t leave.”

  Before I could turn around, Johnny ran into the back of me, almost knocking me over. “Sorry,” he said, brushing his hair out of his eyes with his hand. “I couldn’t remember where the classroom was. I was on the other side of the building. I’m so sorry!”

  “It’s okay. I was just dropping some things off at my locker. ”

  “Awesome. I hope it’s okay to copy your notes, I didn’t take good ones.”

  “That’s fine with me,” I said with a smile.

  Being the new kid sucks sometimes. Moving around the last six months had sucked major donkey balls. My mom and my dad had gotten into a huge fight a few months back and my mom filed a restraining order against him. He was very violent toward us. He would get drunk and beat my mom, sometimes right in front of me. I tried to get him off of her once and he launched me against the wall and onto the floor. I cracked a few ribs on impact and it sucked. That night was when my mom told me enough was enough and we moved out the next day when he was at work. We’d stayed with a few friends of hers while she worked temp jobs just to keep us afloat. The first month had gone well until my dad somehow figured out where we were staying and showed up begging for us to come home. He caused a huge scene in front of her friend Janet’s house, crying and throwing himself on the lawn. It was pathetic, but Mom didn’t take him back. She called the cops and they took him away for disorderly conduct.

  Mom promised this would be the last time we moved. She’d gotten a great job as a real estate agent, somehow scored us a two-bedroom house, and enrolled me in the best school this town had to offer—hence why I was there trying to figure out where the science room was.

  I ran down the hall trying to find the classroom after the bell rang, and just as I was going to give up, the hall monitor helped me out.

  I ran into the packed science room right before the teacher shut the attendance book. She told me to sit in the only empty seat left in the back of the room in front of a very pretty girl with a knit hat on her head. I was drawn to her for some reason and knew I’d have to figure out a way to get to know her. I didn’t have any textbooks yet, so the teacher told me to share with some creepy kid in front of me. I told her I couldn’t do it and asked if I could share with the girl behind me. The teacher agreed and I sat beside her. She smelled like cotton candy, and had little brown dots across her cheeks.

  I tried to take down notes as the teacher talked, but I couldn’t focus on anything but Ms. Dawson. I was determined to learn her first name before the end of the day.

  The teacher gave us all a homework assignment and I knew I was screwed. The notes I had taken were crap, and I didn’t have a book. I didn’t want to let my mom down by failing already.

  Apparently the girl and I were thinking similarly because she offered to meet me after school so we could do our homework together. Score.

  The whole day after science class sucked. I couldn’t find half my classes and the only place that was easy to find was the cafeteria. My locker was hard to find, and it wasn’t until the same hall monitor from before led me to the second floor that I found it. I knew it was getting late and everyone was getting ready to go home for the day, then I remembered the girl was waiting for me and tried to run to meet her. Crap!

  I finally found my way back to the science class and my stomach dropped when I didn’t see her waiting for me. Then I looked further down the hall, saw her knit hat, and ran after her. “Hey Knits, wait! I’m here, I’m here! Don’t leave.” What kind of name is Knits? Good job dummy.

  I ran so fast that I almost knocked her over. She was a good sport and didn’t yell at me for it. I apologized for being l
ate and she forgave me. She dropped a few things off at her locker and then we walked back to the classroom.

  A tall guy with short white hair and a matching beard was waiting as we entered the room. Mickey told me he was a teacher’s assistant and had agreed to stay for an hour so we could do our homework.

  I pulled out my chair and we sat down in the same place as before. “Hey, what’s your first name?” I randomly blurted out.

  “Michelle. Yours?”

  “Johnny.”

  “It’s nice to officially meet you,” she said with a slight blush on her face.

  We both pulled the homework sheets out of our bags and quietly went to work. She always asked me if I was finished with the page before she turned it and waited patiently for me, even if I took a long time to fill in the blanks.

  We finally finished an hour later and I figured now was as good a time as any to get to know her. “So Miche—”

  “You can call me Mickey, all my friends call me that.”

  “Okay, Mickey. Are you always this nice to people you’re just meeting for the first time?”

  “No, but recently I’ve realized life is way too short not to help other people.”

  “I see. Why is that?”

  “I’d rather not say right now.” I could tell that question made her upset, but I didn’t want to push it. “So, that’s a nice knit hat you got there. Who made it for you?”

  “I did.”

  “No way! Who taught you?”

  “My aunt.”

  “Cool. My grandma used to make knit hats too, but I’ve never seen one like yours before.”

  “It’s because it’s actually crocheted.”

  “Is there a difference?”

  “Yes, but I’ll bore you with the details another time.” She giggled.

  “Well anyway, I should probably get going. My mom will kill me if I’m not back on time for supper.”

  “Okay.”

  “Thanks for saving my butt, Mich—I mean Mickey. I hope to get my books by the end of the week.” Not really, but she doesn’t need to know that.